A Grief Observed

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid, The same fluttering in the stomache, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep swallowing..."

         In CS Lewis' A Grief Observed, he vividly describes the doubt, pain and rage he experiences while grieving the death of his wife. 

The thing that really struck me while reading this book, was how much he struggled with his faith. After his wife passed away, he went through this period where everything he once knew seemed to change. He began to question a God who he once claimed was the reason for all existence. Throughout the first two chapters of the book, he struggles to make sense of anything that has happened, continually asking "why?"

"Because she is in God's hands. But if so, she was in God's hands all the time, and I have seen what they did to her here. Do they suddenly become gentler to us the moment we are out of the body? And if so, why? If God's goodness is inconsistent with hurting us, then either God is not good or there is no God: for in the only life we know He hurts us beyond all we can imagine. If it is consistent with hurting us, then maybe He may hurt us after death as unendurably as before it...

    Sometimes it is hard to say, "God forgive God." Sometimes it is hard to say so much. But if our faith is true, He didn't. He crucified Him."

This part of the chapter really made me think. Lewis does not present the idea that there is a nonexistent God, but rather the idea that there is a God who turns from us when we need Him most. 

This is were faith truly comes in. Sometimes the hardest thing is believing that He is with us when we feel Him the least. 

   

Still I Rise

I fell in love with Maya Angelou's writing the very first time I read one of her poems. Through her work she inspires, encourages and uplifts her readers. Still I Rise is one of my favorites of her wide collection. Her diction and tone exude pure confidence as she continually states that she will rise above any obstacle that comes her way. She begins by saying "You may write me down in history, with your bitter twisted lies. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still like dust, I'll rise." Her first four lines set the tone for the rest of the poem. She refuses to allow any person to define her with their speech. She goes on saying " You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like dust, I'll rise." She states how she will rise above lies and oppression. 

Her inspiring dialogue encourages readers from all backgrounds to not be easily defeated by life's circumstances or hardships, but to rather press forward. I did a research project on Maya Angelou my senior year of high school. I was amazed upon studying her life story. At the young age of eight, Angelou was raped by her mother’s boyfriend. After telling her uncles what had happened, they murdered him. Angelou felt responsible for the killing and stopped talking for almost six years.  She faced many difficult experiences throughout her lifetime including being a single mother and the struggle with poverty. However she never let her circumstances effect her, as she went on to become a poet, memoirist, novelist, educator, dramatist, producer, actress, historian, filmmaker, and civil rights activist. Throughout her lifetime, Angelou took painful experiences and used them to help her become a stronger person. 

Happy Endings.

 "In my end is my beginning." 

                  -TS Eliot

   Margaret Atwood's short story, Happy Endings, reveals the exact opposite. 

  She begins by stating,"If you want a happy ending, try A."

  Part A is the story everyone wants to hear. John and Mary fall in love, get married and live a wonderful life together.  Everybody wants something similar to the picture presented-happiness, safety and contentment. Part A portrays an ideal happy ending.

  She continues on with multiples scenarios involving murder, deceit and ultimately a less than perfect ending.  For example in part B, Mary falls in love with John, but John fails to fall in love with Mary. Instead, he repeatedly uses her while she blindly continues giving herself to him, hoping he will love her. "Inside John, she thinks, there is another John who is much nicer. This other John will emerge like a butterfly from a cacoon, a jack from a box, a pit from a prune, if the first John is only squeezed enough." 

In part C, Mary is only settling for John, whom she pities, while she is truly in love with James. John is "middle-aged, in two years he'll be as bald as an egg and he can't stand it. He purchases a handgun, saying he needs it for target practice--this is the thin part of the plot, but it can be dealt with later--and shoots the two of them and himself."John is so distressed he resorts to murder and suicide. This is clearly not the portrayal of a happy ending. 

The author presents multiple scenarios, perhaps to relate to each one of her readers. Some circumstances remain sad, while others eventually lead to a happy ending. In the end the only thing that Atwood guarantees is that John and Mary die. 

What we talk about about when we talk about love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Everyone desires love. But very few can actually define what it is. In the short story "What We Talk about When We Talk about Love," the characters debate the true meaning of love. 

Terri, one of the women in the group, swears that her ex boyfriend loved her even though he had abusive tendencies and tried to kill her. 

        If someone says they love you, but acts differently, does that person truly love you? 

Another character talks about how he once loved his wife saying " there was a time that I thought I loved my wife more than life itself. But now I hate her guts." 

If you truly love someone can you just as easily stop?

I believe that it is so easy to express love through our words alone. However just because one thinks or says that they love another, does not mean that they truly love that person. Personally I have come to find that real love comes from being completely selfless. Hurting someone physically or emotionally is definitely not placing the other person before yourself. 

Another character states " real love is nothing less than spiritual love." 

I found this statement extremely intriguing, as it has proven to be true so many times in my life. I believe that real love can only be based on how Christ loved us. He sacrificed His own life for ours. There is no love other than one based on His that will prevail. 

    -Because true love never fails.

Literary Profile

"Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning."

                  - Maya Angelou

I believe that Literature can have a huge effect on people's lives. As a child I was exposed to a wide variety of literature, from fairy tales to nursery rhymes. My parents made sure that my younger sister and I were always reading something new. My mother used to especially encourage me to take advantage of the benefits from literature as she always stated how " books are the source of knowledge, imagination, and creativity."  When I was younger I read a range of works consisting of Dr. Seuss, The Golden books and the Ramona series. As I got older, my love for reading grew, especially in high school as I discovered an entirely different genre. I learned to love books that were not strictly for entertainment purposes, but for growing in my personal faith and beliefs. I discovered CS Lewis the summer before my junior year. Since then I have been enthralled with his books, as well as authors who were influenced by his works. I have read several books that were extremely significant to my life. My senior year I took a one year course on Mere Christianity by CS Lewis and The Reason for God by Timothy Keller. Both books radically changed how I viewed my faith and Christianity in general. I read them at a critical period in my life, when I was majorly struggling with my identity and trying to figure out  exactly what I stood for. Literature has the ability to inform, persuade, influence and inspire. It is a powerful source that can be used in many ways, both good and bad. There are millions of literary pieces that uplift and encourage readers. However there are certain forms of literature that take advantage of its powerful influence to manipulate readers to believe falsehoods or biased information.  Personally, literature has been a source of learning, comfort, growth and inspiration.  Literature is an extraordinary influence which can be used in many ways to positively effect people's lives.